I'm gonna start off by saying that I'm getting more comfortable expressing my feelings out. I just feel like I'm being judged from all angles in any venture and it's like, I don't wanna be judged but I do. The problem with me is I seek perfection or high quality but lack the patience to obtain it. I like doing the things I do: Drawing, writing, music, game design, but I have the overwhelming doubts that I'm doing it wrong every time.
I hate being criticized without advice. Being told your work sucks or is sub par sucks without someone telling you WHY it sucks. But I became used to that. I have hangups about posting any of my work because I'm worried about people saying that it's not good or could be better but just leave it at that. It leaves me feeling empty and annoyed like "how?" I don't like it at all. So I like to keep things under wraps til major developments.
But then there's the other side of me who just wants some sort of praise anywhere where I can get it. Like dammit just be proud of what I did so far. I want to receive the praise and the constructive criticism without receiving any of the bashing. I mean I just got what I wated at my temp job where they were so impressed with my work that they're practically throwing hours at me. That's what I truly want. recognition. I want someone to say DAMN THAT'S GOOD. But being on the internet of course that's nowhere near close to a guarantee so I just have hangups. It's really annoying and honestly I hope I can get over it soon. I'm moving on to the next chapters of my life. Living on my own and building a name for myself by myself. Moving on to a new job and hopefully a new life. Maybe even a new girlfriend if I can stop being awkward for 5 seconds.
I'm just saying I have dreams and ambitions. I honestly don't want to choke on them either. I just hope that I can come outta my shell more and more bit by bit as time moves on. And then I can see myself in an exec seat soon enough.
