Last night I realized my place in the world. Over the past couple months I've been trying out all the things I never got to do due to lack of time/funds/interests/etc and I really actually found myself enjoying them. I've been going to weekly fighting game tournaments at a local game store and actually got to get competitive for once with people who care about getting competitive. And even though a majority of the time these people who practice and analyze fighting games much more than I do wrecked my shit I really enjoyed my time there.
But come last night when I was watching the stream for said tourney I had a bit of banter with the casters and it was fun but they told my presence wasn't missed lol. I know I wasn't a staple there but for me it was an eye opener. I am not a fighting game player. I like fighting games. And I like a lot fo other things. I think the reason I wanted to try so many things is because I always tried to fit in wherever I could with people. I also liked seeing how far I could go in versatility. But I've also realized that I can only do so much. And even though I do a lot, I thought I'd have more interest in these things. Come to find out that they're more passing glances and opportunities for me.
I don't have much the patience to get good at everything I like to do. And I'm not meant to be in the big leagues everywhere. In fact I have to be honest with myself and admit that I have a nasty attitude toward some people I deem beneath me. I don't know why but it's a certain cockiness that I get from just knowing I can do something. It's just knowing I could be good at something if I tried but resting on that potential to be a straight up asshole that I need to stop.
I just need to accept my lot and stay in my place. Only talk shit when I am the shit. And this is mental too. I can't think I'm better than someone out of potential, I need to think that only when I'm truly a great. But even then the mark of a great isn't to talk down but to build up.
My true passions are in Writing and Drawing and Video Game Design. And those are what I should put all my time into. Those are the circles I belong in. Those are the area where if I were ever to build arrogance for some reason it should be sourced from them. But I think this is a good turnaround point for me. I think I can finally clear the checks off my life to-do list for my 20s and thank goodness for that. I had so many things I wanted to do when I was younger and thought I would never do. I still have more but I think I'll take a more passive role than I did before. I wanna take in the experience but not become part of it.
