Slowly realizing my place

Last night I realized my place in the world. Over the past couple months I've been trying out all the things I never got to do due to lack of time/funds/interests/etc and I really actually found myself enjoying them. I've been going to weekly fighting game tournaments at a local game store and actually got to get competitive for once with people who care about getting competitive. And even though a majority of the time these people who practice and analyze fighting games much more than I do wrecked my shit I really enjoyed my time there.

But come last night when I was watching the stream for said tourney I had a bit of banter with the casters and it was fun but they told my presence wasn't missed lol. I know I wasn't a staple there but for me it was an eye opener. I am not a fighting game player. I like fighting games. And I like a lot fo other things. I think the reason I wanted to try so many things is because I always tried to fit in wherever I could with people. I also liked seeing how far I could go in versatility. But I've also realized that I can only do so much. And even though I do a lot, I thought I'd have more interest in these things. Come to find out that they're more passing glances and opportunities for me.

I don't have much the patience to get good at everything I like to do. And I'm not meant to be in the big leagues everywhere. In fact I have to be honest with myself and admit that I have a nasty attitude toward some people I deem beneath me. I don't know why but it's a certain cockiness that I get from just knowing I can do something. It's just knowing I could be good at something if I tried but resting on that potential to be a straight up asshole that I need to stop.

I just need to accept my lot and stay in my place. Only talk shit when I am the shit. And this is mental too. I can't think I'm better than someone out of potential, I need to think that only when I'm truly a great. But even then the mark of a great isn't to talk down but to build up.

My true passions are in Writing and Drawing and Video Game Design. And those are what I should put all my time into. Those are the circles I belong in. Those are the area where if I were ever to build arrogance for some reason it should be sourced from them. But I think this is a good turnaround point for me. I think I can finally clear the checks off my life to-do list for my 20s and thank goodness for that. I had so many things I wanted to do when I was younger and thought I would never do. I still have more but I think I'll take a more passive role than I did before. I wanna take in the experience but not become part of it.

Semester complete; anxiety building?

Another semester down chaps. Long way to go on achieving that degree in computer science and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure if I wanna go for it anymore. I do love to design games, but recently I'm starting to feel I don't know some sort of pressure. I feel like the path taken as a career would force me to constrict my passions and lock me into a rut. I don't want to feel like I'm working when I'm expressing and exercising my passions. I'm a multi-passionate being and have several different fields I want to take on: Art, video editing, music, writing, acting. And I want to take them all on. I know that I should only take one as a career but I'm afraid of burnout. What if I get burnt out on one or all? I'm thinking too much.

Gonna read some comics now.

An Ordinary Restart

An Ordinary Shooter 3 is in development but I keep running into walls for some reason. There's alot of ideas but some of them lack the cohesion when I put them in play. So to help me out with the process I'm gonna but some time into restructuring the old games with some of my new gameplay philosophies.

I've listened to alot of the feedback from the first two games, such as the busy background and the game being extremely fast and hard to follow. There also was alot of clutter and a busy upgrade system and honestly, looking back on it, the game was very messy. Even still I'm proud of it. But now I have the opportunity to go back and try again.

This is gonna be a complete remake of the first two games in one. I want to keep the old experience feel with much more polish.

An Ordinary Shooter: Last Flight

Before the [spoiler]