Time for some head tripping

My head nearly fell off trying to make this make sense but anyways here's chapters 3 and 4 of Cold Fire, Nicholas Blade's origin story. Mind you it's incomplete and hasn't been edited yet so mistakes abound

•Chapter 3•

As I trod across the soaked sidewalk listening to the steady crashing of the rain across the neighborhood. I just intended to take this time to just try and clear my head. My mind was getting flooded by images of how things were with Veronica for some reason and it angered me. I just want to forget about her, I badly want that part of me to just die already. It’s over, she chose to separate us not me! I shook my head and began to think over who I was for a bit. Perfect thing to do when you have a lot of free time, right? I needed to think about who am I, what am I and what really is my purpose? I can’t decide. My name is Nicholas Blade. What am I? I’m a mercenary for hire, been that way for five years after gangbanging in my early twenties. What’s my purpose? I’m drawing a blank here, why would God ‘create’ such a bastard, why? The thought ignited a rage inside of me, it made me confused. I always hated bringing this up with myself but its something we all want to know.

Truth is, I don’t really like who I am or what I’ve become. Believe it or not I wasn’t always like this, I was once actually what I’ve come to hate. It happened when I was twenty, though I don’t remember what happened actually to me I remember it was traumatic enough to flip my entire perspective on life. I think it had something to do with someone close to me dying, I don’t remember past that really. Point is it drove me to the darker part of my heart as I began to abandon everything and everyone who ever cared for me, it felt like nothing could help me fill the void in my life. I felt like nobody could relate to me anymore, like no one knew my pain. This is where the underworld feels more natural, you feel like you’re not alone because you among kindred spirits, they feel your pain. But the underworld also had it’s repulsion. I had seen the lowest rungs of society, drug addicts to paid assassins to bosses and I realized that they were insane. These were people who weren’t like me at all, I didn’t want to be them. They pretend you’re family until you do something they don’t like or you get arrested or something, then to them you’re just a target, a bullet case, a corpse. It was a life I couldn’t live, I began to hate them all, phonies who pretend care, I didn’t want it. If I wanted someone to care about me I wanted it to at least be genuine, but it never came. That’s when I decided to be on my own, do dirt on my own, and just be alone. That’s all I wanted. And then Veronica, she and I. I thought she was the one who could complete me. Someone who had genuine care for me, but even that turned out to be another dead end. I wanted it to be just us, the two of us just able to sit down and discuss what was on our mind, but that never really happened I don’t think. It must have happened if we were together for two years. Fuck. I can’t even remember anything about myself, my memory about anything these days seems to be multiple choice. The only thing I seem to be about is anger and hatred, I remember those emotions all too well, everything is blurry as if my mind was under water.

I can’t take this anymore, I thought getting even angrier at myself. I then looked to my right and saw an empty alley way and acted on impulse and quickly punched the brick wall out of frustration. My mind was so occupied I didn’t even feel the jolt of pain flow through me as I pulled back my throbbing fist. I looked at the wall and realized my punch was much harder than I thought when I saw a large crack in the wall. I kept darting my eyes back and forth between my bleeding fist and the cracked wall. Just when I had enough to think about.

“And that’s where I come in!” Suddenly a woman’s voice echoed from the alleyway.
I darted my eyes immediately to the alley but I didn’t see anyone there. Just some graffiti stained walls, a fire escape leading up the apartment buildings, and a brick wall divider. There was no woman, but I’m sure I heard a woman. I think I’m losing it.

“I’m waiting for you to turn around, Nick.” The voice came from behind me.
I quickly turned around to see the strangest woman I’ve ever seen in my life. Her skin was a ghastly pale white, she had purple lips and purple triangular markings leading from her bright green eyes. She had a Dracula collared trench coat resting on her shoulders that was held together by a rope, but had no buttons and under that a shiny low cut purple dress. She looked like some sort of superhero standing there on the curb in the pouring rain, her arms weren’t in the sleeves of the large coat but instead crossed over her breasts. Who on Earth was this woman pretending to be?

“Okay.” I stammered out of fear.

“What? You’ve never seen a woman before or something?” She asked with a playful smile on her face. She obviously knew that I was taken aback by her appearance and just probably wanted see how I’d react.

“Who are you?” I asked getting over the initial shock.

“Kindra, my name is Kindra.” She uncrossed her arms and gracefully strode over to me. I found it strange and enticing, she had a nice body for what it was worth it gave me something to look at.

“Ok, Ms. Kindra.” I said looking her straight in the eyes, “What’s the deal here?”

She didn’t answer at first, she just stared at me letting a smile slowly take over her face. But then she took a step back from me and answered, “I’m here for you, Nick.”

“Oh I didn’t know it was my birthday today, I guess Chris sent me a stripper gram. I‘ll be sure to thank him.”

Kindra chuckled and remarked, “Nothing like that, Nick. Nope.”

A moment of silence followed as I observed at Kindra. She was an enigma, she didn’t seem normal at all, no, she had this radiance to her like something not of this world. I may be going mad right now but I didn’t want to stop looking at her for the moment, it was something interesting to think about.

“Are you happy, Nick?” Kindra’s words broke into my thoughts, for some reason I heard her much louder than earlier.

The question completely caught me off guard leading to her to repeat herself.

“Define ‘happy’ for me.” I answered.

“Are you satisfied with who you are? With what you do? And who you do it too? Is this how you wish to be?”

Those were questions I had thought about many times before. Truth is I don’t know if I’m satisfied with this life or not, I don’t really show emotion about it I just sort of live it these days. “I can’t say that I am really. But at this point and stage in my life I just learned to live with it. It doesn‘t bother me much anymore.”

“Oh.” Kindra replied in an alerted manner, she seemed to be taken aback by my answer. She paced back and forth rubbing her chin for a bit before stopping, placing her eyes back on me. She leaned closer me and asked, “So that night, that woman, Michelle. When she pleaded for her life. When she begged you not to pull the trigger and you did. It never bothered you? You just swept it under the rug?”
               
•Chapter 4•

The sound of rain momentarily muffled out behind my thoughts. I was neither surprised nor impressed, but I was actually intrigued now as to what was going on. I know I was isolated that night, just me and Michelle down a deserted street. I was given the order meet her after she was dumped off by my client. He had her chauffeured to the North Projects probably under the guise of maybe a nice dinner to talk or something along those lines, which is why she was wearing heels and a black dress, not the best running wear. I remember he shoved her out the car into the street and yelled ‘you two timing bitch’ as the car sped off. And that’s where I waiting, the job was simple: corner her, kill her. And I remember doing that just that, without a hitch. I didn’t have much information on Michelle other than she was involved in some sort of embezzlement scheme slash love triangle that was somehow connected to it. It wasn’t my business, my business was to take her life and leave her to rot. So was I set up? No, he knows I know where to find him, he wouldn’t risk a bullet through the eye to get rid of one woman its just not worth it. I know I wasn’t followed because nobody in their right mind willingly goes through the North projects at night. Even the police prefer that area never existed and tend to ignore it so its generally a final destination for unfortunate souls like Michelle. But if I wasn’t set up and I wasn’t followed, how does Kindra know about the deed? Something is definitely going on here.

“Ok, I’ll bite, who’s Michelle?” I asked.

Kindra narrowed her eyes. “Don’t insult me, Nicholas.”

“How am I insulting you? I’m asking you, who’s this Michelle you’re talking about because I don’t know anyone by that name.”

I wasn’t lying, I actually didn’t know Michelle at all. But I wanted to see what she knows about her.

Kindra huffed, her face grew stern with each passing moment. “She was a woman that I happen to witness in her final moment as she cried out for her life to be spared. Unfortunately she had no such luck as she was shot and killed by you.”

“That sounds sad.” I paused to light up a cigarette noticing I only had one left after this one, “Was she a friend of yours?”

Kindra had had it, her eyes looked straight through me as I continued to try and lead her on. It didn’t phase me, I knew what to do in this type of situation: lie and deny. Lie and deny it to the point of her giving up on the subject. As long as she doesn’t explicitly hear me admit anything and she has no real evidence I’m not going down.

I walked up to Kindra and looked her right in the narrow eyes. “Law enforcement sees everything these days right? And I’m guessing you were paid a lot of money to look like that and try to force me into admitting something I didn‘t do.” I huffed a cloud of smoked into her face causing her to fan them away. “I know your angle now miss Kindra. A little bit of smoke and mirrors here and there to try and startle me into a confession or whatever so you can take it downtown, put a lawyer on it, and call it a case. But here’s the thing, you’re not dealing with some gumshoe from across the street, now I don’t know how you got my name, how you found me, or how you get this crazy idea that I’m connected to some murder of a woman that I obviously don’t know. You need to get it through your skull that I’m not the one you’re looking for, you got me?” I backed up a step and ended the conversation saying, “Now that we have that straightened out I’ll be on my way.” I stopped after a couple steps to say, ”Oh and miss Kindra, I don’t want to meet you like this again, are we clear?” Making sure that she understands that the next time would be very unpleasant for her.

I continued my walk home sure that I had put Kindra in her place. Her face was frozen in anger when I left but I didn’t care. I was not gonna be felt out by some gumshoe dressed for Cirque du Soleil. I knew it was all a sham, nobody saw me that night doing anything I was damn sure of that, she just wanted to scare me that’s all. I came to an abrupt halt when I bumped into a woman shaped obstacle in the dark… a woman in a large trench coat to be precise.

Kindra’s eyes were scorching as she stood there in front of me staring me down as she did a few moments ago as she came into light. It was strange I remember being at least half a block away from her as I left her to go home, but why does it feel as though I haven’t moved? I took a look around and noticed behind me was an alley, an alley with graffiti stained walls, a fire escape leading up the apartment buildings, and a brick divider. I thought it was a coincidence until I saw the very same crack I left in the wall I was standing next to.

“What the fuck?” I uttered trying to back away from Kindra. But she approached me closer her green eyes locked in a piercing stare that lit my stomach on fire. All of a  sudden I stopped, my legs stopped pushing back despite me commanding them to, actually my whole body stopped responding.

“Perhaps you understand where your threats lie now.” She barked approaching closer to my paralyzed form. “I will forgive you only for your ignorance and nothing more, Nicholas. Had you had known exactly who you were talking to when you said what you said then I would have to punish you… severely.”

“Who are you then?!” I barked as I wrestled to regain control over my own body.

Not soon after, Kindra’s eyes lost all of their fury as her face became weary and upset. I can tell It was in reaction to what I had asked, but what did I say to break her spirit like that?

“It hurts that… I do not even have that honor anymore.” She spoke in a now solemn tone. “Gone are those days of being known, hated, and scorned by every society. My children have all forgotten me, and look what they become without my guidance. Look how society treats them.” She spoke as if she was addressing herself rather than to me, her focus just seemed off now as she watched the ground get soaked rather me.

I wondered, who would call her a mother?

“Nicholas you probably are confused at what I said.” Kindra stated as she focused her sight back to me.

“What prompted that little monologue?” I asked.

“Do you know who I am?”

“Outside of your name being Kindra, no.”

“Well I’ll start off by telling you this, you are my child.”

“I’m the son of Leona Blade, born in Newark, New Jersey March 23rd 1982. There’s nothing on my birth certificate that says anything about ‘Kindra’ anywhere so you can cut that shit out.”

“You are my child!” She barked in a rage, “I am the one who made you special!”

I gave her a look, I was confused about what she meant. What made me ‘special’ to her?

Reacting to my look Kindra looked even more perplexed than I did. “You don’t know what you are do you?” My body suddenly came back under my control and all I could do was stand and observe in bewilderment. She asked me a question I actually didn’t know the answer to, not even remotely. “Come here.” She commanded. When she saw I was apprehensive she repeated herself gesturing me to come closer to her. I leaned toward her and she soft grabbed my face and looked at me. For some reason her hands were warm, they weren’t cold at all. She squeezed and pressed my skin as if she was feeling for something. But all I felt was my skin getting hotter and hotter and hotter still, it felt like I was being burned alive. Kicking and screaming I tried to pull away but Kindra forced me back to where she wanted me and continued to press on burning my flesh.

With one hard pull I tore myself from her grasp clutching my face in literal burning agony. I felt around for any wounds but surprisingly my skin was still smooth where it needed to be. I looked at my hands as the rain poured over them, not a scratch either like I imagined there would be after leaving a crack in a brick wall, but no not a scratch not even redness. I had to get myself together here, what am I immune to injury? What the hell is going on with me? What did she do to me?

Kindra’s face was filled with sadness now, even in the rain I could tell she was close to crying. “Please, why are you trying to tear away from me?”

“Are you fucking insane?” I snarled.

She pressed forward but I backed away from her.

“What did you do to me?!”

“I tried to awaken you, Nicholas”

“Awaken? What the blue hell are you going on about?! I‘m awake enough as it is without my face set on broil!”

“I find this odd.” She began as she calmed her mood a bit, “Nicholas tell me, have you ever been sealed before?”

My face was finally cooling down and I embraced the rolling chill of rain running down my face. I was still angry at what just happened, she basically lit me on fire without a match and has the nerve to ask me a question? This woman is off her rock. I brushed past her and got the hell out of there and made my way down the sidewalk. But déjà vu hit when I walked up to Kindra’s silhouette, hands on her hips eyes still locking me down. I ended up right back in the same alleyway, in the same position and just realizing I didn’t even have my cigarette in my mouth. Come to think of it I didn’t have it in my mouth the second time I walked off.

“I asked you a question, Nicholas. Answer me, please.” Kindra demanded.

I was too distracted by the fact that my cigarette was missing to answer her. Did it drop out of my mouth in surprise? No I usually remove it myself in any situation, cigarettes are too expensive nowadays to just waste. I thought about it for a moment and got a hunch to check my pack in my pocket. I don’t know why but something told me to check in there and I was right. The pack had two cigarettes! Then I thought back to when and where, I didn’t smoke the second one until I told her off. After I tell her off I attempt to walk away but every time I end up back here and the cigarette is back in its pack. Oh! That’s right I wasn’t smoking the first moment I saw Kindra and maybe that’s why it was in its pack because I didn’t take it out yet. And the second time I tried to walk off I didn’t have the cigarette in my mouth. But this is only a hunch I gotta see for myself. I put a cigarette in my mouth and tried to walk off, much to Kindra’s annoyance as she shouted something I didn’t pay attention to as I tried to walk off again. When I inevitably ended up back in the alley to the presence of a now very angry Kindra I disregarded her and immediately checked my pack and as I expected, two cigarettes. What the hell is going on here? This is some Star Trek shit happening right now. I then turned my attention to Kinda who again was expressing her anger and immediately interrupted her stated, “You’re controlling time.”

Kindra jumped back the accusation. “Huh?” She yelped.

“How the fuck are you controlling time? What the hell are you?”

“Controlling time? What?” She replied.

“I keep ending up in this same alley every time I try to walk away from you and my cigarette goes back to where it was when I first caught sight of you: in the pack. Every time I walk off you keep bringing me back here. Reavers don‘t have that power to manipulate time no matter how powerful. So what are you?!”

Kindra smirked and then started laughing at the notion. She laughed as if I just told a funny joke, like it was a game what she was doing.

“What’s so funny?!” I barked.

Kindra slowly gathered herself and cleared her throat and explained, “Nicholas, could it be possible you never left that spot?” She giggled.

“What? I left this damn spot three times! What are you talking about?! You keep reverting time back to when I first turned around and saw you!”

“Hahaha no you haven’t. Don‘t you find it odd that you have full memory of my name and the fact your cigarettes are in your pack? If I reversed time you wouldn‘t have any memory of any of that because it hasn‘t happened yet has it?”
Wait, she’s making sense. “So you’re some new generation of Reaver or something?” I asked.

Kindra let out a sigh. “Reaver, I don’t like that word. That's a word they came up with to brand all of my children. The proper term is a Child of Kindra, Nicholas.”

“Child of Kindra? What?” A sneered?

She dismissed my inquiry saying, “Don’t worry about it, it’s… it’s ancient history.”  She continued, “What’s happening Nicholas is you’re not in the real world, you’re inside of me actually.”

I responded with absolute silence. I wanted her to continue because this sounded just too farfetched for even the most religious Trekkie to believe.

“You want me to explain don’t you?”

I nodded.

“It’s a simple act of removing your consciousness and merging it with my own. Therefore your senses: sight, touch, smell, feel, and hearing, are all under my control.”

“And how am I able to move and act freely if I’m basically under hypnosis? Wouldn’t you have to command me to do things?”

“Oh my, no.” She giggled, “So this is what comes with the invention of television. I said your consciousness is melded with my own, which means you’re conscious still and capable of action, just not in your body. In simpler terms, right now you’re inside my imagination, you see what I want you to see, you hear what I want you to hear, you feel what I want you to feel and so on and so forth. I can completely control your body here because it only exists in here. Your actions in this realm are everything you do is as it would be in reality, but under my influence if I see fit. The only thing that I can’t control is your consciousness because its your mind and decisions not my own. So when you kept trying to leave me all I did was relocate your body back to where I wanted.”

When my brain to stopped tossing around my skull screaming for help I replied, “You’re gonna need to prove this bullshit. I mean it sounds like it makes sense, but I don‘t believe in this other worldly nonsense.”

Kindra pushed her tongue in her cheek and looked up. At first I wondered what she was doing until I noticed the sound of rain had stopped all together and the sun bursted down on the alleyway. I couldn’t believe it, it was now a sunny day instead of a stormy night. This was beyond unreal.

“I like the sun better anyway.” Kindra remarked. “Now back to the question I asked earlier Nicholas, were you ever sealed in any way?”

Considering I had no choice and was technically kidnapped I thought hard for a moment trying to remember this one story my mother told me, it was about this one psycho priest who tried to kill me as a baby. My mother never explained why he did it, she never wanted to talk about the subject at all after telling me once. Perhaps she was trying to tell me something but ended up changing her mind half way through, it makes sense.

“Come to think of it yea I think there was uh, this Priest, Father Vance at the church I used to go to when I was younger. My mother told me something about a him attempting to kill me with some sort of cleansing ritual when I was a baby. Mind you, I was about I don’t fourteen or so when she told me so really I was just a virgin to the world.